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“Perfection only exists in babies and pastries!” Seriously??


I saw this little quotation by Gayle Wray and I thought 'seriously?'. For some parents they may relate only to the pastry part of the quote.


Pregnant women expect to and are expected to fall in love with their baby from the moment of birth; but what if it doesn't happen like that? We all react differently to those first few moments of parenthood.

Studies have found that about 20% of new parents feel no real emotional attachment to their newborn in the hours after birth.

For some new mums, including many of the 15% of women estimated to suffer with postnatal depression, being unable to bond with their babies for many months following birth can be a source of guilt, shame and sadness.


'Bonding is a process that can sometimes take time.'


Back to basics: Bonding is an important human instinct that gives babies a sense of security and self-esteem. It helps parents feel connected to their new baby and offers unrequited love and protection - as the old adage goes "I would kill for and die for my child".

Hormones play a vital rôle in establishing parent-baby bonding. The release of dopamine and oxytocin facilitate the bonding process. Skin-to-skin contact helps release oxytocin (our love hormone) which aids the bonding process.


Baby Massage: During my years as a Baby Massage Teacher I have come across quite a few parents who had difficulties forming a loving relationship with their baby; they were performing all the right actions and were functionally good mums and dads, but when they were being honest about their feelings, reluctantly admitted that they didn't feel they truly, deeply loved their babies.

With help and encouragement and 'small steps' expectations by attending Baby Massage classes on a regular basis, this bond can be awakened and nurtured, thereby helping to forge a 'normal' relationship between the parent/s and baby. I have seen this happen and am a HUGE advocate for Baby Massage because of this.


(Simply put) If we can establish a healthy, loving connection with our baby, they will trust and love us and this in turn keeps our relationship balanced, helping us to raise trusting, loving children which enhances the child-parent bond for many years.


**If you are concerned about your non-feelings for your baby, or are concerned on behalf of family member or friend, please contact a helpline such as :

UK http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Australia https://www.panda.org.au/



© 2020 by Sonia Deighton